LEARNING TO LOVE THE EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL, AND MENTAL YOU

STEP: 1

TOUGH love

YEP! Tough love, that's how we learn to love ourselves. Guess what, here are the facts (and you probably won't like them, but this is my TOUGH love method of teaching you to love yourself)...you are STUCK with yourself for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not, kind of a scary thought, huh? But, them's the FACTS. You will never be anybody but YOU, so you better learn to accept yourself. That's the key---ACCEPTANCE of yourself. Yes, it helps to give yourself encouraging little "I am valuable, I am lovable, I am..." reminders though-out the day, but they really won't help you reach your established goal if you don't first ACCEPT yourself for who you are!!! So, the key to being able to love yourself is ACCEPTANCE. Here is a method to help you reach your goal faster: Make a list of everything (don't leave anything out) that you don't like about yourself...and be honest. For instance, my teeth are too big, my hair is too thin, I can't manage my own checking account, I am no good at dancing, I am too forgetful, I'm too meek...etc. And then read over your list, stopping at each one and say to yourself "yep, my teeth ARE too big, but they are MY teeth and I'm STUCK with them for the rest of my life so I will learn to accept that about me." When you are done with this make another list of everything you like about yourself (this is NO time to be modest), for instance, I'm a very good cook, I have nice hands, I have a great singing voice, my garden is beautiful, I have a very compassionate heart, etc. Now go back over that list, stopping at each one and applaud yourself by saying, "yep, I am a very good cook, my friends all envy me, but it just seems to come so naturally for me. I am FORTUNATE to have this uniqueness and it will be with me for the rest of my life."

Just remember you are STUCK with who you are for the rest of your life and learn to ACCEPT that of which is you. The love will follow, trust me! God made you in His image. Do you not see the beauty of You now?

LEARNING TO LOVE THE EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL, AND MENTAL YOU

STEP: 2

POSITIVE feedback

The issue is "how can you increase your self-esteem and become happier and more emotionally successful in your life". The hardest obstacle you face is to gain personal appreciation and acceptance of who you are. Probably easier said than done, but, none the less, it CAN be done. You need to learn to give yourself positive feedbacks, until you have reached the point where you feel that you are the valuable person that you really are. We do not will our hearts to beat, our lungs to breathe. We cannot will ourselves to be other than what we are. There are certain things about my emotional and physical make-up that I, too, absolutely wish I could change. But the facts remain that I cannot change them, and I have even learned to appreciate the uniqueness that is mine. Okay, for starters I'll start beating myself up by saying my feet are too big, my hair is too course, I am short-waisted, I have scarring on my right hand, my upper lip is too thin, I am too old, my voice is too deep, blah-blah-blah....do you see where that train of thought will lead me? Not a very pretty, comfortable place! I bet if you really looked around you, and I'm not talking about commercialized people who are chosen for their absolute (and usually artificial) perfection to represent the human race (those models make me gag LOL) but really looked around you at other people, look at the woman or man standing in the check-out line in front of you, the lady or gentleman at the laundromat, your acquaintances at church, you will see that you are not that bad. It's when you zero in and focus on a perceived perfection that you will feel you can never measure up. You will always feel 'not as good', not as 'pretty', not as 'smart', 'sexy', etc - especially if you compare yourself to 'models'. Soon you will start to feel very depressed and negative. And your negativity will show. Everywhere you go, there your negativity is! Now, what horrible, burdensome baggage to bring along with you on your one-and-only journey through life! Let go of the baggage, life is too short and your life is just for YOU, not for what you think others might think of you. (Which, incidentally, they don't!)

You must keep telling yourself these simple truths: "I am lovable, worthwhile, useful, purposeful. I am significant, I belong, my impact spreads beyond others. My frustrated expectations (of myself) are the only cause of my stress and limits to my happiness". I will repeat that last statement..."MY frustrated expectations are the ONLY cause of my stress and limits to my happiness!" If you can redirect your negative thoughts to positive ones, you will find that you are a very special and unique person, but if you get caught in a negative frame of mind you will never emerge from your cocoon and become that beautiful FREE butterfly that you are. In a negative frame of mind, we exaggerate negative thoughts about ourselves.

You are very special. We are all very special. Beauty comes from that belief, not from a nose job. Outer, external beauty fades with age and experience, no matter who you are, but inner beauty only grows and increases with age and experience. You have within you, right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you. And you deserve the very best because of who you are, not how you see yourself.

ARE SOME PEOPLE JUST BETTER THAN OTHERS? I posted this a while back, but maybe it is suitable here so I will repost. I hope it helps lift you up in hope. Believe it or not God DID create all men equal...meaning everything you'll ever need is already there right inside of you. We all have it! We may be different only in the way we are visually perceived, but we all have strength, and courage, and compassion, and will, and dignity, and reasoning, and stamina, and determination. Sometimes we learn to become codependent and lean on others for these qualities, instead of developing our own, but believe me---Nobody has a monopoly on strength, or self-will. Nobody has been more embellished with one virtue than the next. NOBODY is stronger than you. You already have everything you need, right now, inside of you, to move mountains and shape futures! You just need to learn how to reach deep inside where it's lurking, grasp onto it, pull it forth, and then learn to fall back on it, and IT IS THERE..TRUST ME! When God created man He created them in His own image...He did not say unto Himself, "Hmmmmm, I think I'll give Sally over there extra inner-strength, and Michael...well Michael I think I'll skimp on self-will, and then Jessica, well she'll get an extra dose of compassion, where as Lester I'll deny humbleness and humility" --- you get the picture! EVERYTHING you need to create a lifetime of happiness is already inside you, you just need to trust that you are just as God intended---His image, no better nor worse, no weaker nor stronger-- than the rest of mankind!

LEARNING TO LOVE OUR 'SOULS'

STEP:3

SURROUND yourself with friends and family

A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully, and before it blossomed, he examined it. He saw the bud that would soon blossom and also the thorns. And he thought, "How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns?" Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and before it was ready to bloom, it died.

So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose.The God-like qualities planted in us at birth grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects. We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential.

Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns and find the rose within others. This is the characteristic of love, to look at a person, and knowing his faults, recognize the nobility in his soul, and help him realize that he can overcome his faults. If we show him the rose, he will conquer the thorns. Then will he blossom, blooming forth thirty, sixty, a hundred-fold as it is given to him.

Our duty in this world is to help others by showing them their roses and not their thorns. Only then can we achieve the love we should feel for each other; only then can we bloom in our own garden. ~Author Unknown~

I hope you see the beautiful rose inside yourself that is so evident to those of us who support and love you.

HUGS, TIGRESS

~by Tigress Luv

~all articles by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru. For more articles by Tigress Luv please visit Breakups Magazine, an online FREE magazine for those going through a breakup.
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